So. In the past year and a half I have:
- Hit rock bottom depressed
- Moved of our boat after 2 year of living aboard
- Got meds
- Put the boat up for sale
- Started therapy for GID
- Come to terms with who I am.
- No longer as depressed
- Cut my drinking WAY, WAY back
- Started taking care of myself more
- Started living more true to myself but not completely so
- Met some great people
- Started going out for fun
- Made some real friends
- Bought 2 very expensive guitars and a home recording studio
- No longer depressed
- Got a good Job at a start up with a Psycho CEO at the helm
- Seriously improved my wardrobe by getting rid of most of my guy cloths
- Alienated my wife and soul mate
- Got somewhat depressed again
- Tried to mend things with my wife by not being so Nichole
- Realized I can’t even pretend to do the previous bullet anymore
- Went on a nice vacation with my Wife or is it Girlfriend now?
- LOst
- Split up my marriage – mutually agreed actually
- Got really depressed and empty
- Got a bit overwhelmed
- Decided transition is where I am headed
- Got less depressed
- Realized there is still much to be done
- Have not told anyone in my family or old friends
- Occasionally do realize it is not all bad and gloomy, REALLY I DO!
- …
- …..
Damn I know I forgot something. I know there are some good things in there somewhere. So what the heck do I do now? I will have a great big condo to myself now, a wife that still loves me as a friend but can’t be around me. An uncertain future. Job: OMG do I ever tell them at some point I would have too is I start HRT this year.
- I have not balanced a checkbook or done taxes in 15 years. I have never been alone for more than a few days.
- I need to exercise a lot more. I need to lose 40 lbs.
- I need those shoes to be manufactured in size 12 damn-it!!! is that so fucking hard to do?
- I am going to get my beard removed next month… and then more
- I need to start a financial plan, seriously
- I need to get my own insurance.
- What is that rattling. OMG I need to take my car in for repair$$$$
- I need to find a smaller place at half the price.
- I need to finally get rid of the crap in the garage we have been carrying around for years.
- Is that the beach I see.. OMG I live in San Diego. I need to get out more.
- Hiking, Biking (Do I remember how), kayaking
- I must help other people. I am not that bad off.
- Hillary or Obama… damn-it why no “No Confidence” chads?
- Must go see grandma… she is 95 and not getting any younger
- Must see my Nephew before I turn into Auntie Nichole
- Gotta pee goes somewhere in here
- I MUST start recording my music
- I MUST BE HAPPY and stay HAPPY
- Ah yes… need to vacuum more often
- Want my cake and eat it too!!!
- People are just fucked in the head…. except me and a few others
- 7.5+/- billion years from now none of this will matter anymore because the Earth will cease to exist and I will have probably already died.. maybe… or at least moved to the next closest solar system
- How much is that Prada Bag?