Author Archives: Nikki Dreams

About Nikki Dreams

Pisces, Artist, Writer, Poet, Guitarist, Lesbian, Caring, Loving, Kind, Tall, Offensive - Not the IT girl. http://nikkidreams.com http://nikkidreams.tumblr.com [NSFW] http://translucidity.com

Change

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Change is coming. Actually change never really stops.

I very much appreciate all the wonderful support and encouragement I have received over the past couple of years. Becoming a writer was never really something I ever thought of doing. But as it turns out I enjoy it and many of you even like what I write. AMAZING! Who knew?

Well first let me just say I am going to continue writing. But I will do it on my main blog from now on. I am consolidating. As I am developing my career in the arts I have decided it would be best to have all my writing, painting, drawing, music and whatever else I create or think about under one brand. Nikki Dreams has been my pen name for several years now. So I am consolidating under my site at NikkiDreams.com

I will leave this site up for a few months until most everyone has switched over to the new old site. With this change NikkiDreams.com will also be changing to better display my art and musings.

Thank you to everyone who has given me hope and encouraged my dreams. I look forward to hearing from you at NikkiDreams.com

Peace and Bright Blessings \m/
Nikki Dreams

Keep Pushing

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I think I am getting ready to become unhinged
Sour notes struck across ill-tuned strings
This wound stuck deep
Enough to fester
Not enough to kill
Slowly bleeding out caustic anxiety
No words for they sting caustic on my flesh
Touch me and launch a thousand evils out of hell
Condescending your lack of faith
Do you see my gaze
It burns your effigy
Do you feel my tongue
Striking out a cord of razor and barb
This corner you’ve backed me in to
This dark place of directions set in flight
Walls made to contain a raging furnace
A crumbling foundation set to topple
How much longer
How much further
Push me off this ledge
Our fate rests in careless ways

The Blade that Severs Hearts

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I can never love you
Her words pierce my flesh
My heart is not yours to have
Nor the walls mine to scale
Love is not a word
It is not for us to speak
The time between is only vapor
Breathe out
And watch me fade in the corner of your eyes

I can never trust you
Her words rake the calm from my mind
Something lost
Never to be found
Something taken
Never to be returned
To build anything form nothing remains
Nothing

I feel everything
And it is pain
Love is pain
Laughter is pain
Remembering is pain
Life is pain
I am pain
Forget the pain
It is still pain
My emptiness is filled with her pain

I shall never hear you
Her words reflections of my own
If ever there were peace
It is the silence between us
Scant whispers upon the echoes of the deaf
Meaningless motions in the dark

I will never be happy
Her words pool in the sadness of my own tears
We cannot be happy
Together or apart
We will never be
We will always be
Seeds of hope on a waterless plane

I am broken
And you are dead
In this we find common ground
In this we have the words
Define me not
Our words not understood
Never spoken
Words never heard

I am alone
Everywhere but in my darkness
Her words are my own
It is there we meet
It is there we are safe
It is there we die
In death we find life

I am alive in your voice
Her words an endless note
Just one
A tone repeated
Endless in its healing
Tragic in it’s cage
Set free the note
Set free
Complete the song
Cut our binds and cut our bond

Set free
We are united and whole
By the blade that severs hearts

I live

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My gaze falls warm summer rain upon a soft pillow moon
Stars glitter ancient code open clues above earthly mysteries
A song lifeless unsung breath of reassurance upon my ear
Winged ballerina dashing emerald wings sketch a portrait in my mind
Beneath my feet the shadow’s cousin darker memories fall
Clarity in broken clouds not blue but golden in my dreams
The first buds of spring pass blossoms of art on textured paper
Music vibrato, staccato, harmony of fingers skilled upon taught steel
Idea to be or not or just in the moment I awoke
The sun sets for no one
It just sets

Making way long across narrow tracks to no particular end
Grown and not children play in my mind a painted carousel
Restful slumbers scatter colored leaves fallen fertile touch
Blazing fire roars dissonant orange and red spark new stars in to black
That memory we seek lives among the ashes
Lucid in my hand set free in the warmth of yours
Gone for now and never lost
It just is

I live

The First Step

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To be..

A woman in the world without a past
Where childhood memories do not exist or last
Lifelong friendships have frozen in time
Lost to the moment she crossed the line
Her future fear uncertain but true
All in the name of living like you
To cry and scream and love so deep
Endless dreams aroused from sleep
Upon living this life to stay in stride
She longs to breath to stay alive

 

Focused in the task of passing through
… a world of stereotypes, fears and revolving doors

She steps outside the box
… and air fills her lungs

 

Hiding

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I pulled the blanket over my eyes
Hoping you could not see me
Or maybe it was really so that I could not see you
My lump of unmoving flesh and bone still
So still as to not draw your attention
Or maybe it was so I could not feel

The perception of motion lost in shallow breaths
The layers of fabric shrouding my very thoughts
Though the corpse lay silent you knew I was there
Or is it that my memory is you trapped within my head

The opaque blackness in which I hide is home to me
Comfort in the darkness of my constructed realm
Or is it the dark inside that cast this shadow of you
Imprisoned behind tightly closed eyelids

I cannot no more dive deep enough beneath the waves
Or run as fast as time gives chase to hide from you
To forget that you are there or ever were
Is to draw the curtains on my life

An escape unworthy of the existence we once share