A Moment

For a moment…

The armor turned to veils of translucent, vulnerable, welcoming…

The walls turned to dust in hands of warming comfort…

The thoughts of healed simple pleasures rang true…

The fear that chased away open-hearted song subsided…

The haunted memories of stricken night turned to sunlight…

The comforting embraces lasted a lifetime…

The wishes and desires of two became one…

The sense of belonging embrace a tortured soul…

The momentum carried forward…

…and all was right in worlds of my own making.

But only for a moment.

My Enemy

I’ve seen my enemy
Perched a thousand strong in shadows surround

One thousand million shells hurled
From cannons self inflicted

Running furious a pace of futile design
All defeated in fields of tortured beauty

Lasting holdouts
Breaking walls of stone and flesh

Hunted down in merciless attack
One by one all traces erased from fertile minds

In the distances over time and endless barrage
Shots cry out last undefeatable foe

Chased, perused, hunted and feared
Exchanges powered raging combat

One on one the battle’s hymn
Still standing, firmly planted and refused to die

Infinity trembles wakes of senseless pride
No wall to high nor barrier too deep

The last yet standing
Stalemate’s tortured for ever more

Looking in to eyes fear defeats
My enemy inside

My enemy is me

why do i cry?

why do I cry?
is the pain so great it can only escape my soul as tears?
is the joy so complete I must share it in my eyes?

the tears roll down my cheeks, daily it seems.
they evaporate and spread like the mist over the ocean.
the tears forever streaming, day and night.
they carry my joy, my pain, my sorrow, my thoughts and my love out in to the world.

why do I cry?
is there no more room for what is building inside?
is there no need to keep what is hidden or precious in my mind?

the tears for my love are filled with her memories.
they lesson the pain with each day, yet the memories are sill there.
the tears of my love are seeds to be planted.
they grow in numbers and are spread by the winds.

why do i cry?
is this the way I must travel to feel what is past, what may have been?
is this how I search for what lay dormant inside for so very long?

the tears come unpredictably now, randomly seeking to be born.
they are my only connection with something within.
the tears fall like rain then a mist, a thought, picture, smell or a sound triggering the flow.
they contain all things I have stored in my thoughts, seem in my life, lost in my heart.

why do I cry?
no answers only questions, have I not come far enough?
have I lost my way or grown somewhere deep, somewhere I cannot yet see within my soul?

The answer is obvious l LOVE, HATE, FEAR and feel JOY. Goddess what else?… there must be so, so much more. But is it really that clear so black and white so irrefutable as to be called the truth?

I never knew how to cry my entire life until I set myself free.
Now I am free. I guess something hidden within my being still needs to be too. I tortured myself looking for the key to unlocking my tears. The answer was within me all the time. I never let myself see it. Why did it take so long, half a lifetime almost, to open that door? I am filled with so much now that my freedom is real. Now that I have chosen to live. I have chosen to feel.


why do I cry?
simply,  I have let myself live, let myself feel everything around me.
because I can take it all inside, the compassion, the love, empathy, every single experience real or perceived.

these tears I set free because they must not stay inside.
they are my gift to the world, my offerings to the universe.
these tears are only mine until I pass them on.
they are my gift to you and to myself, proof of life, a life finally living.